Technet
Roll Call: Bodybag, China Doll, Ferro2, Gatecrasher, Joyboy, Numbers, Ringtoss, Scatterbrain, Thug, Waxworks, and Yap.
Aliases and Replacements: Scatterbrain used to (or has yet to) call herself Fascination. Yap refers to Gatecrasher as "Mother", who in turn calls him names like "Bonebag". Ferro2 replaced his brother Ferro (killed by one of the Warwolves after his warranty expired), Waxworks looks a lot like a dead power-dampener named Elmo, and Thug may be a rouge brother to a multiplying alien named Legion.
First American Appearance: Excalibur Special Edition 1. Some of these beings were first seen in British publications like The Daredevils 5, reprinted in X-Men Archives 3, and Captain Britain (second series) 4, where the name "Technet" was first coined.
What's Their Problem? They're a band of extraterrestrial and/or extradimensional bounty hunters struggling with culture shock and empty pockets. Translation: they're kinda weird and often broke. Those X-readers looking for complex pseudo-psychology or extreme political speeches had better leave now, seeing as how these guys are just too simple for you. OK, their ex-leader Gatecrasher was last seen hallucinating, but nothing has been made of it since.
Abilities: The semi-strong Gatecrasher is a decent shot with her wrist blasters and claims to have "extensive skills in biogenic nucleotronic splicing" but no word if she has a real degree in the field; hanging on her back is Yap, who scans sentients for powers and teleports the group across space and time. Bodybag sprays victims with a green narcotic ooze before swallowing them, paralyzed and unconscious, into one of his three back-sacs. China Doll can shrink other beings to trinket-size with her touch. Ferro2 wields one sword in each of his four hands. Joyboy is the fat "baby" in the floating egg-cradle and who physically alters someone into a distorted version of their dearest wish come true. Ringtoss emits his (her?) energy mostly in the form of grappling rings. The normally mute Scatterbrain stupefies people by firing their every neural synapse with her caress. Thug is the one with the short, thick legs and the strong arms. And finally, Waxworks' tentacles can make a human body all soft and stretchy.
Favorite Quote: "I hope, child, that hippopotamus is a term of deference." Captain Britain (second series) 5, reprinted in the Captain Britain trade paperback. First contact between Gatecrasher and Meggan did not go well, what with the blaster-fire and the name-calling...
Heroes They Keep Running Into: Back when he was Captain Britain, Meggan and her boyfriend Brian Braddock had a too many Technet run-ins to their liking; one such encounter was when the aliens was hired to capture Phoenix but instead assembled the heroes involved as Excalibur (which was what was meant to happen). After their fearless leader fled for her life, the Technet were taken in by their former foes, although it took Nightcrawler a while to smooth out their rough spots as a team.
People Who Think They're Not So Bad: Gatecrasher's departures led members to join the Special Executive, a time-travelling group whose existence makes Technet continuity a bit of a headache to figure out, believe me. The British town of Brighton let them live on their docks for a while in exchange for sunny weather control. As for members themselves, Joyboy is currently locked in a happy psychic bond with the Red Queen (an old but laughable enemy of Brian's), Ringtoss and Waxworks have been seen in each other's embrace, and luck ol' Numbers (the bug-eyed bipedal reptilian accountant and negotiator) found his true love in a big purple dragon who bore him dozens of flying hybrid dragon-bug-babies.
Most Despicable Act: It was Gatecrasher's decision to blow up Excalibur's lighthouse with the exhausted heroes still in inside, as well as that incident when a carnivorous slime named Pandora was used to engulf troops serving Sat-Yr-9, the fanatical female dictator of Earth 794. This would have long-term and near-deadly consequences for Excalibur as Sat-Yr-9, who survived the massacre more insane than ever, killed and replaced Brian Braddock's old girlfriend Courtney Ross, her Earth 616 counterpart; "Courtney" had the Technet resuce Brian's depraved super-powered brother Jamie, and later on she "befriended" Kitty Pride for her own undefined yet nefarious ends.
by Ray Schaff
